Piano Matters Archives

Piano Parents - Here's a Tip from Goldilocks!

When looking for activities to enroll their children in, parents often consider piano lessons because they offer great educational benefits for kids.  However, parents are frequently unsure of how to go about supporting their kids in piano.  There isn’t as much guidance for parents as there is for other activities.  For piano they wonder, “What does my support role look like?”  "Can I commit to this?"  Sometimes parents worry, "What if my child doesn't practice?" "What if my child doesn't have enough musical talent?" "What if my child fails?" These are scary thoughts that create anxiety.  So, parents should take a tip from Goldilocks and get their support role just right before enrolling.  This is easily done with some cheerful advice from the creator of the Piano Bears!

The roles parents play initially as they are trying to learn how to support their children in piano generally fall into one of three categories.

In the first category, parents worry a bit too much and take more responsibility for their child's success than they need to.  In the second category parents don't do enough to support their child in piano and their children worry too much or are confused.  In the third category, parents take a more balanced approach and expect to learn as they go. 

Balancing the piano support role can take time and require change, but has great long-term results.  This is a learning model that sets reasonable expectations and boundaries that protect learning goals.  This creates a positive learning environment where kids can learn from their mistakes and grow.  And that’s what piano education is all about - learning and growing with music.

The following query may help parents as well as piano teachers balance their perspective roles so each player - the student, the teacher, and the parent takes an appropriate share of responsibility for the child’s piano success.  To visualize this, imagine a circle (or a pie) divided into three equal parts – the child’s responsibility, the piano teacher’s responsibility, and the parents’ responsibility, you get the big picture.  The goal is for each player to do their own part (and not someone else’s part.)

Query for Parents and Teachers.

Regarding your child's/student's piano progress, would you

(a) Feel personally embarrassed if your child/student isn’t progressing as fast as you think they should;

(b) Want your child/student to do their best and learn how to go about achieving their goals;

(c) Feel that it doesn't really matter how your child/student is doing, as lessons aren't that important anyway, they're only kids so you can't expect much.

If you chose (a), you may taking too much responsibility – more than your share of the pie.  Think about tweaking your role to relieve anxiety and have more fun with your child/student in piano.  If you find yourself answering (c), you may be abdicating an important part of your responsibility and missing out on a wonderful way to encourage your child's piano success.  If you answered (b), you see the benefits of encouraging children while helping them take responsibility for their success.  Congratulations!  Goldilocks would be proud of you!  Don’t wait to enroll your child in piano lessons! 

For more information on the benefits of piano lessons for children, read my earlier post, How Piano Lessons Benefit Young Children.

Best Wishes,
Cynthia Marie VanLandingham

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"I don't have my piano books today" - What Does it Mean?

Sometimes students come to class without their books.  When this happens, I wonder if they may be confused about whether it's important to bring their music books to piano class.  In some cases it's inappropriate to expect elementary age students to remember to pack their piano books before getting into the car to drive to lessons without their parents checking to be sure they have.  My job is to kindly make sure students and parents know that bringing music books to weekly lessons is necessary.  Over many years of teaching piano, I've found there are two basic models parents and students look to for perspective when kids come to piano lessons withouth their music books  - internal and external.   Below are examples of these.   

 

*External Learning Model:

1. I don't have my piano books for class today, so I am a bad child.

2. I don't have my piano books for class today, so I don't deserve piano lessons.

3. I don't have my piano books for class, how do you feel about this Mrs. V.?

4. I don't have my piano books for class again, now how do you feel about this now Mrs. V.?

5. I don't have my piano books for class again, what are you going to do about it?

Internal Learning Model:

1. I don't have my piano books for class today, but I have a plan to remember them next time.

2. I don't have my piano books for class today, but I am learning to be more organized because it is important to my piano success.

3. I don't have my piano books for class today, but this is an exception. I usually have my books because I am setting a good habit to achieve my goals.

4. I don't have my piano books for class today, but I will not give up. I am going to be more organized and I have a new plan.

5. Yeahh!!! I have my piano books for class today!

My goal as a teacher is to help students develop an internal locus of control regarding their piano lessons. This way kids learn how to take responsibility for their success and to try again. I believe the Internal Model/Perspective is the best approach for children because here mistakes are part of the process, and more importantly, failure is never an option.  The External Learning Model  functions around a belief that others choose our fate and decide our future for us.  The Internal Model/Perspective is a belief that "my effort makes a difference."  To learn more about the sociological term 'Locus of Control', research well-known social learning theorist, Julian B. Rotter.

Adding a few more notes to the discussion -

Regarding the idea of consequences.  Yes, I do believe kids need consequences to learn and grow.  However, don't assume that consequences have to be negative (or that consequences= punishment.)  A more accurate equation looks like this: Consequences=Consequences.  Why is this?  Because children are complex.  It takes a bit more factoring and head scratching to come up with effective learning strategies that need to be adjusted as children grow.  A good rule of thumb is to remember that there are no rules - only problems to solve and challenges to meet.  Children need consistency, however, so they aren't confused and know what to expect.  So much potential is lost in a state of confusion and insecurity.  This is why boundarires are needed - to help kids feel secure and protect the learning environment.  Therefore consequences must always include high learning goals that are clear, a long-term plan for success that is creative, and lots of encouragement!*  This way children feel good about learning and come to believe they can succeed.

For more perspective on the importance of preparing kids to maximize their potential in a changing world, you may want to view the article below from the Atlantic.

The Atlantic-  Article Excerpt:   "Ron Alsop, a former reporter for The Wall Street Journal and the author of The Trophy Kids Grow Up: How the Millennial Generation Is Shaking Up the Workplace, says a combination of entitlement and highly structured childhood has resulted in a lack of independence and entrepreneurialism in many 20-somethings. They’re used to checklists, he says, and “don’t excel at leadership or independent problem solving.” Alsop interviewed dozens of employers for his book, and concluded that unlike previous generations, Millennials, as a group, “need almost constant direction” in the workplace. “Many flounder without precise guidelines but thrive in structured situations that provide clearly defined rules.”  

Best regards for your child's musical success, 

Cynthia Marie VanLandingham

*Studies show children from poorer families receive fewer encouragements from their parents, while children from wealthier families receive many more encouragements each day.